After the Fireworks

No, the literal ones.

I just read Arunga Denis’s story, and I’m sorry about that, but I was laughing the whole time. Sorrows. Prayers.

NaiRobbery: They Came, They Saw, They Took My Phone

Anyway, I was taken a couple of years back. I don’t like talking about Nairobi and its theft because the moment you talk about it, you speak its existence into your life, but let me become a scientist and do a trial run, ama ni practical?

This happened a few years back during my rebellious years. It was New Year’s Eve, and this girl had had enough of being told what to do by her caring, loving mother.

My aunt and cousin were around, and my aunt was going for a kesha and asked me to go with her, but my mother refused.

My cousin then asked if I could go with him, but of course, my dearest mother refused again. Now I had resolved to my fate, but my cousin couldn’t let it go.

“Mbona Aunty anakutreatingi kama mtoto? We ni mtu mkubwa!“ he said.

Ololooo.

My eyes widened with realization, and I stomped my foot with a “Sindio!!??” that came from my stomach. No, diaphragm. I was done being treated like the child I actually was😂

I texted my friends to ask where they were, and of course, most of them were home. Except for one, who was at a club and said she’d text to confirm if we could go.

We made plans with my cousin to make sure her confirmation found us outside, so we ran after saying we were outside watching the fireworks.

We wandered around the neighbourhood (PS: This is not a neighbourhood you should be walking around past nine) with zero cares.

My cousin convinced me to get shots. We were drunk, shouting in the middle of the streets, waaaayy past midnight (now that I’m writing about this, what was I doing honestly?)

Her confirmation came, and we started walking towards the club. (PS: this was not walking distance. Trust alcohol)

As we walked, I was talking to her, asking about the vibes and all that, and then, in one clean sweep, I found myself lying on the ground on my back. About 7-9 guys surrounded me (why are they always in groups?), but my cousin was too busy shouting in the front to notice his cousin was being mugged behind him.

“Siste, leta simu!!”

I grabbed onto that phone like my life depended on it. I knew there was no way my mother would get me another. I was ready to risk it all for that dammned device.

“Siste tusisumbuane, leta simu!” I hugged it harder. I swear I could see myself dying for that Huawei.

Thankfully, my cousin finally noticed and reached his hand between one of the guy’s legs, and I passed it to him. Once it was with him, they left me alone, but one came back and said,

“We nakujua siste. Amka.” and gave me a hand to help me up, and helped dust off my back. What the?

I have no idea who that man was😂

I feel like any reasonable person would go home after that.

Not me, though. I asked my cousin for my phone back and texted another friend out. No showing weakness!

She was home, but you know what? Alcohol! It gave me the false courage to go to her home, talk to her mother, and ask her to let her daughter come with us.

At 2 am.

Of course, her mother refused, but ni kama my big-girl syndrome was spreading, and it was spreading fast. Alihepa😂

She met us along the way, and we walked a very merry group for about an hour. Again, what the hell was I doing?

In season’s feelings, greetings, etc, my cousin allegedly😂 lit a blunt and smoked along the way, passing to strangers and strangers passing theirs alike. It was a beautiful moment of community.

Until it wasn’t.

It became a fitness hub. Everyone was running, and I was just looking, wondering, “Where are we going?” Now, I know you run first and ask later, but alcohol dulls you, okay? (Don’t drink and drive)

Nilikamatwa in seconds. Looking up, there was nobody. Looking back at the man grabbing my friend and me, it was the man, the myth, Mr. Officer himselfu.

We were dragged into a car wash and sat on the cold, dark earth😂

“Miaka ni ngapi? Huyo rafiki yenu anavuta bangi kwa nini? Hio si bunduki ako nayo kwa mfuko?”

“We wacha we mzee😭ni kaquarter bana,” I said in my heart, of course. Big girl has levels to get to.

We called our parents, and after the police’s bellies were warmed with some hot tea, they let us go. The ride home was wild. My friend’s mother was furious, and I could tell she was seconds away from slapping me😭

I was dropped home first. The mothers shared their shocks and disappointments and then said their goodbyes.

My mother locked the door and then turned to serve me the hottest slap known to mankind. I swear hio unafikiria ulipewa was nothing compared to mine. I went to sleep, we didn’t talk for about two months, and that story was never mentioned again.

I beefed with my cousin for leaving me the next day, but hours later, we were planning our next escapade. I left my phone at home and made sure to wear running shoes in the next one😌

Kids, don’t do drugs.